Flips 162

So much went on within the industry in 2007, wrestling itself seemed secondary!  Nevertheless, it is year-end poll season, so in the special one-time-only double Flips extravaganza, I'll examine nominees deserving attention as you fill out various ballots.

For your consideration:  Anti-Manors sniffle because I deal with harsh reality rather than reinforce their immature fantasies.  Well, here comes another one:  Wrestling in not "all about you."

Let me be more specific.  If you are a true believer and not just a self-absorbed prat, you are willing to sacrifice a little personal enjoyment for the good of the whole.  In wrestling terms, that means tolerating elements of the show not necessarily to your personal liking, because you understand they boost attendance, ratings, PPV buys, etc.

And that's why I am advocating the selection of John Cena as Wrestler Of The Year.

I'm not by any means suggesting he's the Best Wrestler, Most Over Babyface or a particular favorite of mine..  In the big picture, however, none of that is relevant.

What really matters is as follows.  John Cena is credited with drawing a significant number of new fans, the very lifeblood of the sport.  He did so with the most brutal schedule in the business, multiplied by the pressure of carrying the big belt.  In a year where "public relations nightmare" is a severe understatement, Cena remained a model citizen, making virtually every house show, public appearance, media interview and the like.

While other highly pushed young talent abused their position (such as Batista getting scrumptious Shelley Martinez fired because--gasp--they had an argument), Cena was never a problem behind the scenes.  Nor did he use his clout to get a clique of buddies employment and undeserved pushes, change finishes or pull any of the other political dirty tricks common among top dogs (especially those whose ring name begins with "H".)

Love him or loathe him, John did have some very compelling matches in 2007.  In addition, though it's a difficult task in front of a partially hostile crowd and with frequently putrid scripted material, there is no active bonebender in any promotion who cuts a better babyface promo than Cena.  And if you think that's not important, it's all about what goes on between the tolls of the ring bell, here's another of those reality checks:  You don't know squat about the professional wrestling business.

None of my points would be relevant if Cena wasn't the champ.  But he was, and champions are held to very different standards than contenders.  As such, to the masses, affable Cena was the public face of wrestling in tumultuous 2007 and continually represented the sport in a polite and professional manner.

Sure, Cena attracted the brats-and-their-mothers crowd.  But look on the bright side, as I always do.  Little kids are easy to push around or beat up in the parking lot.  And the fact that these young mamas accompany them means you've got a bunch of broads who put out but have no men in the picture.  Slip a shot of vodka into Junior's soda, and in no time, you'll be moving Mom from a vertical to horizontal base!

Honorable Mention:  Still hate Cena despite my flawless argument?  Here's an alternative...and he was one of your "great technician" types, to boot.  

Although no one condones his method, Chris Benoit, in his twisted way, brought more attention to the working conditions of the typical wrestler than anyone in the entire history of the industry.

The secondary tragedy is that nothing has dramatically changed with regards to insurance, retirement plans, unionization, travel discomfort, health benefits and the like in the aftermath...but that certainly can't be blamed on Benoit.

Jiveass Of The Year--I refuse to waste precious space detailing how undisputedly Chavo Guerrero merits this "award" in light of apparently learning absolutely NOTHING from the death of "Uncle Eddie" and bizarre behavior of "best friend" Benoit (while bathing in crocodile tears for cheap sympathy.)  So, let's quickly move on to Dishonorable Mention.

Chris Jericho, fresh off his WWE rehiring audition, erm, I mean Larry King Show appearance, began hitting the BS (book shill) circuit to butter up starstruck hosts, pandering with an insincerity more obvious than tan lines on Lady Godiva.

The topper was, in a blatant attempt to peddle the book to the non-wrestling-fan audience, Y2JO explained how his tome was much more than a grap bio, the mat sport being merely a framework for his triumphant tale.  You see, according to Jerko, the volume is a SELF-HELP book, informing readers that continuing to strive for a lofty goal will, gosh darn it, make all one's dreams of success come true.

This coming from a man who returned to wrestling only because his attempts to make it as a rocker and an actor failed worse than a diabetic trying out for a taste-tester job at a cookie factory.  When your Hollywood resume is lamer than superstar Stacy Keibler's, the only acting you're doing is acting like you're an actor!

Class Acts Of The Year--Vince McMahon for quietly picking up the tab for Sherri Martel's funeral, Booker T for paying for her headstone.  A special Stately Salute goes out to Fit Finlay for being the only WWE non-suit with the balls and decency to attend Danny and Nancy Benoit's service.  Ditto for Ric Flair at Moolah's.

NO-Class Acts Of The Year--goes to all the sniveling cowards who passed on the former because they thought attendance might adversely affect their careers.  Even if you in the Classless Crew were not all that fond of Nancy, you certainly couldn't have harboured contempt for little Daniel.  And did it ever cross your minds that a large showing--especially by those under WWE contract--would have loudly sent the message "We are deeply bereaved over what happened and most assuredly do not approve of Chris Benoit's actions"?

Most Underrated--Nine months ago, PS ran a story entitled "Monster Talent," written at the height of Umaga's Mania build-up.  Your narrator concurred with the article, but posited that once the inevitable first loss occurred and the invisibility bubble burst, the Samoan would have nowhere to go but down.  That is, after all, the way it tends to go with a monster heel push.

Usually.

But what's amazing about the spike-slinger is, here we are three seasons later, and Umaga has barely missed a beat, despite a short-lived, ill-advised babyface turn (during which he demonstrated a previously unseen ability to play it slightly comedic.)  

Without question, getting over as the monster was a tribute to top-notch booking. Sustaining that success, however, is a testimony to the skills of the man in the ring, who went on to give us blistering brawls with Cena, Triple-H, Jeff Hardy and others.

Perhaps the biggest surprise is, when the tattooed titan was initially brought back to the WWE, all we could envision was a rerun of his days as Jamal in Three-Minute Warning.  Uh-oh.

For those who missed TMW, this duo did more damage than the cross-eyed assembly line worker who accidentally put the rectal thermometer instruction sheets in the turkey baster boxes.  They even roughed up VIP Pat Patterson, a former grappler known for normally welcoming high-impact contact with large men!

And remember Jamal's stint in TNA?  Neither does anyone else.

Honorable Mention:  LAX.  TNA's Hispanic contingency provoked more fan hatred than any act in the industry through the bulk of 2007, sparked by Konnan's scorching promos.  Conventional wisdom said, when their spokesman left, the Exchange would quickly join the Naturals, Gymini, Raven's disciples et al in the also-ran team category.

Apparently nobody informed Homicide and Hernandez, as they continue to get strong crowd reactions...and do so without the benefit of ANY mike work!

Credit much of the team's growth and continued popularity to Hernandez visibly improving throughout the year, going from an a-few-strength-spots-then-tag-out brute to someone who clearly came to grasp the psychology of the "power man" and expanded from there.

Sometimes it just happens:  No character development; limited spotlight; yet the ringsiders lend their support and loyalty even when they're not "programmed" to do so by the booking.  In a way, that makes LAX sort of like Matt Hardy times two, if Matt were cool.

Which he isn't.

Rookie Of The Year Revisited  Although I had the wisdom to name Karen Angle top newcomer months ago, I full expect the sexist (and sexless) majority to elect instead Santino Marella.

I'll give the goomba this:  he is highly amusing with the deadpan and slapstick comedy material.  Nonetheless, Santino does have noticeable shortcomings in his overall package.  I'd go into greater detail at this point, but I'm concerned that if I gave Marella a light verbal slapping here, he'd go running to the boss and try to get me fired.

Even if you consider Karen a shrew, it's still better to give the award to a bitch than to a snitch.

Embarrassment Of The Year--Onscreen:  There are certain televised incidents so cringe-inducing, you can only pray no wrestling haters witnessed them.  The worst of these in 2007 came on the November 26th Raw:  Hornswoggle spray-paints the image of a tunnel on a backstage wall and--complete with "hilarious" sound effects--escapes capture through it; Wile E. Carlito attempts to follow, and is KO'd.

Feel free to send your dry-cleaning bill to "WWE Creative, Stamford, CT."  You know, from all the rolling on the floor you did after that hugely entertaining mirth riot.

Embarrassment Of The Year--Personally:  The exploitative book authors.  That's right, my supposed peers in journalism.

In the wake of the midsummer media hysteria, there they were, tripping all over one another in an attempt to present themselves as "concerned experts."  These two-faced creeps aren't journalists, they're opportunistic ghouls with keyboards.

"Boo hoo hoo, I’m so disheartened by the wicked inside workings of wrestling--but not enough to stop me from cashing in on it by rushing out this book and publicly exposing the business' dirty laundry on any TV show that will have me.

"I've got a whole list of things that could be improved.  Mind you, I haven't come up with one viable specific suggestion as to how to actually get any of these improvements done nor am I willing to stick my own neck out one millimeter to affect any changes...but I LOVE wrestling, man."

Career Plunge--Group:  Uh, how well is the whole Originals vs. The New Breed thing working out for most involved?  Are you stalwarts who peed your panties over the relaunch of the Extreme franchise enjoying those riveting Big Daddy V main events?  E.C.W. = Ending Careers in Wrestling.

Career Plunge--Individual:  Say what you will about Petey Williams, Shelton Benjamin, Victoria and similar grapplers vanquished to Booker's Limbo.  And 2007 was a downer for genuine talents such as Doug Basham and Rob Conway who arbitrarily got dismissed for reasons other than violating company policy.  (Especially in the year of "forgotten" suspensions for boss' pets.)

However, nobody crashed like Monte Brown.  Period.

Not long before his disastrous-in-hindsight jump to the WWE, the former NFL star was in very serious consideration for the TNA world championship--and before the autumn leaves fell, Brown was no longer even in the profession!

One year, you're a blue-chipper; the next, a pink-slipper?  Ouch.

Of course Brown didn't help his cause by taking an extended leave over family matters.  The moral of the story:  always ditch your family the minute you start to achieve success.  Sure, you pretend to keep liking the rich ones and the cousin who owns a car dealership; but other than that, relatives are a pointless burden one should dump ASAP.

The key move here is to do everything in your power to avoid listings in phone books or anywhere else the kin can track you down.  Why, I've put so much effort into this tactic, I can confidently boast you'll return home from a visit to America declaring "There are no Manors in the entire United States!!!"