MMM83

Have you noted the list of ex-WCWers NOT going to the WWF?  Nash, Sting, DDP, Goldberg and Hogan--all frauds and cowards.

Clearly, that "I'm getting compensated too much to get in the ring" line is pure toro poopoo...though I won't argue "Being overpaid to not work" may have been their job description in Atlanta.  It also explains why the promotion went from being worth over a half-billion to a purchase price roughly one fiftieth of that value within about a year.

Let's look at the Phearful Phony Phive individually.  Nash and Goldberg try to present themselves as real hard guys who like nothing better than to drill others before a large crowd.  Yet, the only beating they're doing now is around the bush.  And, believe me, that's the clean version of the line I originally wrote.

Do you realize today's sexiest full-time wrestler, Ivory, has had more matches in 2001 than those two quivering quails--combined???  And what's the Stinker's excuse?  Didn't he have enough smeggin' time off over the past three years?

Here's a beauty:  Dime-A-Dozen Page is claiming he may take up the "motivational speaker" racket.  What the hell could the Jersey Jerk possibly inspire people to be, fellow encyclopedias of outdated catchphrases?

"Whatever."  "I don't think so."  Damn, DDPP, what are you going to add to your repertoire next, "Live long and prosper"?  "Sock it to me, baby"?  The man ought to just change his name to Cliché Guevara.

Try as we might, we can't forget the Hulkster.  Alibi though it may be, at least the remaining Phive can bluff, "We'd like to work but we're legally tied up."  Cowardly Lyin' Hogan, on the other paw, does not even have an active Turner contract, nor has he had one for months!

Upon further consideration, it occurs to me my message might not be getting through to the Phearful Phonies.  Maybe I should phrase it in the quintet's native language:  "Brawk brawk brawk, cluck, brawk brawk."

Lest anyone get the wrong impression, let me clarify the fact I'm absolutely DELIGHTED Goldiberg And The Four Bores are cowering in a corner out of camera range.  And I can't help noting the irony of the camera they're so diligently dodging being the very instrument the Phive hogged with such merciless zeal while murdering WCW.

Admit it, if you were even half as objective as Wrestling's Most Honest Columnist, you would confess the sport is farbetter off without the likes of the Phive and similar stiffs.  Under the quintet's, ahem, leadership, not only were a number of top stars driven completely out of WCW, the company itself was nearly driven completely out of business.  Do you really believe that's merely a coincidence?

I guess it's up to Wrestling's Most Courageous Columnist to publicly state what the diplomatic only murmur in private.  All five of the Phive were WCW World Champions.  As such, all abused their position to ensure none of the truly deserving moved up in the ranks, even going so far as to pass the belts around amongst themselves rather than let anyone new in the upper circle.  (Go ahead, check the records to see who lost to whom.)

In reality, Nash and the fraudulent foursome are doing everyone else in the profession an enormous favour by hiding in the hills.  Finally, us insiders are free from the layer of corruption their behind-the-scenes maneuvering has blighted on the industry.  With the Phearfuls out of the way, we can now, for example, look forward to Mike Awesome, Kid Romeo and Shannon Moore at last getting the recognition everyone agrees they've long merited.

Speaking of athletes who went elsewhere due to the ponces' politics, one of my most controversial columns of recent vintage labeled Chris Jericho and the Radicals foolish for bolting from Bischoffburg, predicting their imminent plateauing in McMahonland.  PS readers did their usual whining, and the named fellows were reportedly none too pleased with the prognosis.  As always, though, time proved my prediction to be 100-percent correct.

Here's where the secondary benefit of Sting and the dingalings stashing themselves comes in.  There's no question Lionheart and the Radz feel they owe me a profound apology for doubting I understand the biz better than the boys.  No problem, guys:  thanks to the cowardice of the Phive, you can "turn back time" by simply returning to WCW!  Oh, and, CJ, baby, ditch the fan favourite bit en route, okay?

I can see it all now.  The revival of Monday Night Jericho with Chris sniffing out conspiracies in every corner; ; Eddie G and the other three providing the best matches on the card; the excellent replacement color commentator (modesty forbids me from mentioning my name):  the new old WCW could really rock and roll.  If nothing else, jumping gents, you'll no longer be booked to lose to females...or Chyna!

Screw skepticism.  Even without Malenko and mates, WCW 2.0 is going to under the guidance of Prince Shane The Sharp.  WCW 4 Life, I say!  Well, at least until Shano loses the promotion to his peerless Pop in a PPV co-main event.  Hmm, did I just hear Jim Ross using the "set-up all along" phrase after the finish?