Author's note:  wondering what was expected to be on Page Eleven in issue 181?  You weren't the only one...and we'll just leave it at that for now.  Actually, TWO columns were written for that particular issue.  The first is below and the second appears under Flips 181B, available directly by clicking here. 

 

Image Flips 181A    midyear breakdown

 

 

With the midyear pieces all in place and six months in the books, it’s time for an analysis of personnel in the “hit the heights or hit the road” position, those who have been around long enough to establish an identity, but are neither main-eventers nor designated jabronis—yet.  Booking patterns show they’ve caught the promoters’ eyes; and now it’s time to dive through that quickly closing window of opportunity.

Will they be the next to break through or the next Samu?  Ready to rumble or all set to tumble?  Here’s one he-man’s opinion.

 

MVP—Though he does nothing for me, the promoted-to-Raw Montel appears to be the candidate most poised to climb the oily-runged WWE ladder (at the moment.)  He studies tapes beyond the current WWE product, improved under the tutelage of Matt Hardy, took his stint in the doghouse like a man, and hasn’t even been arrested lately.  And unlike most of the others on the cusp, he has legit heavyweight size and ethnic appeal.  Having those chintzy necklaces to sell to starry-eyed saps won’t hurt his chances, either.  

So, since his October 8, 2006 in-ring debut, MVP has developed into a highly marketable package—except for one thing:  That scuba-diver ring gear has go to go!  I realize his gimmick is the all-around athlete, but exactly what “sport” is that outfit supposed to represent, dolphin jockey at Sea World?  

 

Mi Pi Sexy—In the transition from the Beautiful People to MPS, the Byoots became an example of losing a lot by gaining a little.  For-now exiled Cute Kip’s sole value is to prove why one should never hire friends—or even have them.  And rather than adding the scrawny Madison to the mix, Velvet and Angelina would have been far better off with double-delicious Daffney, ultra-hot as a goth or guv.  Furthermore, Rayne and Kip in the camera frame greatly distract from the Absolutely Greatest Ring Entrance In The History Of Mankind On Earth.

T&A, er, Love & Sky, for the sake of their extended futures, need to put the focus squarely back on themselves at this juncture.  With her appearance and speaking ability, Angie should do well for herself, post-MPS.  Can’t say I have the same confidence in Velvet, especially in light of her recent addition in the pectoral region—yet another example of losing by gaining.  Unless the People can rekindle their heat, Miss Love may find herself a standard WWE diva mid-pack morsel.  The horror, the horror.

 

The Miz—Yes, I initially called The Miz “The Miztake,” however, he earned my highly prized respect as part of the M&M tandem.  BUT, contrary to what one PS staffer opined in issue 179, the Magnet died a series of slow—very slow--deaths in Raw skits calling out Cena, and raised some serious eyebrows around the Manor Mansion.  

Not that he alone is to blame.  After all, you can’t expect a guy to turn down a significant push opportunity; and he wasn’t out there ad libbing his promos.  Then again, Cena himself gets over with putrid material from the very same writers, so some of the fault has to lie with Miz himself.  Thrust into the spotlight on a live program by a company desperate to create new youthful stars but often lacking the patience to let them develop naturally, Miz comes across like he’s trying but simply not yet ready for that high of a spot, especially immediately after leaving the comfort zone of a tag position.  

 

Mr. Kennedy—Or Mister Canned-iddy, as I call him.  We’ve all heard the tough-guy expression, “Don’t let your mouth write a check your ass can’t cash.”  Seems Kennedy let his mouth talk his way right out of a check he could cash—a WWE paycheck!  Given his history of yap-flapping, is anyone surprised?  

So where do I see his future?  Right back in McMahonland.  The WWE Forgiveness Policy—otherwise known as Oh, Crap, We Need Another Body To Replace A Just-Injured Superstar—will likely “allow” a properly groveling Kennedy back in the fold…then book him in a string of losses to let him know that any talk of “water under the bridge” is strictly lip service.  Come to think of it, he should feel right at home acting like a loser in public.  Certainly has the experience.  

 

Kelly Kelly—Pretty, a natural-appearing bod, wholesome—that’s three strikes against her already.  Like Mr. McMahon, I prefer my overdyed blondes to have a cheap, trampy look, as if they’re midway between the strip club and porn star circuit.  It’s their place in the world and why you secretly fantasize about Maryse.

I’ll give “Kelly this:  she’s elevated her in-ring to adequate and has definitely worked her way out of the ECW ghetto.  Nonetheless, the big question remains:  Is there that certain something—the intangible personal trait that creates exceptional longevity (as possessed by Trish Stratus)—in Kelly Kelly?  No no.  So don’t “holla holla”; wave bye-bye bye-bye.

 

Eric Young—Granted, it may be too late to pull off now, but as Eric turned, it struck me that he has the potential to be a truly unique character:  The sulky, oppressively negative pouter but NOT a hothead or screamer.  A killer killjoy, the “nothing ever satisfies him” type:  He wins the Legends belt and goes, “Oh, great, something else to slow me down at the airport.”  Loses matches by walking out in disgust.  That sort of thing.

Damn, I’d feel like punching-out a guy like that myself—and I LOVE heels!

Is wrestling ready for a shoe-qazing emo type?  (The mat world Morrissey?)  EY better hope so; otherwise, playing the fool for so long pre-turn may be too much of a hindrance to ever overcome.  

 

Uh-oh, running out of room.  Time to squeeze in a few quickies.

Consequences Creed = Constipation Creed.

Jack Swagger—may not be able to pronounce “straps” but he’ll be wearing plenty of them in years to come.

Dolph Ziggler—Sob, I still mourn the loss of the electrifying Spirit Squad; however, Dolph appears to strongly grasp his new role and place in the system.  An awfully friendly lad, as well.

Matt Morgan— The Blueprint could rule--with ringside managerial assistance.  Let’s see, an equally brash, unprincipled show-off who incenses wrestling fans…I wonder where he can find someone like that.